What type of puffer are you?
There are smokers and there are non-smokers. This here, is my categorisation of smokers based on their habits.
The deceptive smoker – Pakhandi
What is it with this bunch? Trying to look ‘cool’, tough and hot? Peer pressure? This breed of smokers holds on to a lit cigarette, sometimes takes a drag without actually inhaling smoke (God forbid) and lets on about how addicted they are. Really people, no one cares if you don’t smoke and if someone does then let me tell you, you’re in wrong company. Either you stop wasting your (or someone else’s) money or you enjoy the pleasures.
The confused smoker – Haan ya na?
So, as I mentioned in the introduction, there are smokers and there are non-smokers. There’s no middle ground here. However, I’ve come across people who, on being asked whether they smoke, say ‘not really’ or ‘kind of’. What’s that supposed to mean? Either you do or you don’t!
The routine smoker – Apne samay pe
I admire them. No really, I do. They set a routine; 11 am, 2 pm, 5 pm etc. and stick to it. No matter how strong the urge at 3:30 pm (God forbid again), they don’t budge. Can you share some of your self-control with me please? I’ll share a smoke with you.
The average smoker – Na idhar ka na udhar ka
This kind says he/she can quit anytime and it’s true! They can go hours, even a couple of days without a cigarette, much to the disappointment of regular smokers. An average smoker usually does not cross 5-7 cigarettes on an average day.
The bummer – Udhaar ki zindagi
Bummers never carry their own cigarettes, regardless of what their salary is or how many tapris are right across their apartment complex. And they’re always ready with ridiculous excuses; “I don’t have any change today” (you never do) or “I finished my pack last night” (you have to buy one to finish it).
The regular smoker – Suttebaaz
These are happy smokers. Not a care about their health or even criticism for that matter. Love cigarettes and never intend to quit (who knows what the future holds though). Coffee (smoke), finish a meal (smoke), happy (smoke), stressed (smoke), too much work (smoke), no work (smoke), bored (smoke)!
The chain smoker – Chimney
They light a new cigarette with the filter of the one they lit 5 minutes ago. It makes me cringe but nonetheless, it’s impressive. Don’t bother asking a chain smoker “Another one already?” All you’ll get in response is a nonchalant “So?” Personally, I cannot fathom finishing a pack in just a couple of hours. If you fall under this category, it’s your money and your lungs. I’m not judging!
The ex-smoker – Ab kya bacha?
This group has puffed away on cigarettes like they were going out of style and have quit (kudos!)! A part of them still wants that one last cigarette to relive wonderful memories but they’ve been refrained from ever touching one again (doc’s orders, threatening spouses, whatever). They’ll regale you with their smoking-days’ tales, still trying to be a part of the ‘puff bunch’. By the end of a few minutes, you’ll know when they started smoking, how much they used to smoke, since how long they’ve been off cigarettes and how they don’t long for a single drag (liars!) anymore. Maybe some really don’t and again, I admire them. No, really!
All smokers know at least one of this kind. Numerous non-smokers feel it’s their duty to berate and advice puffers (of all categories) on the dreadful evils of smoking cigarettes. Smokers find this extremely awkward and annoying. They will avoid this conversation at all costs. Maybe even change the topic to what Dolly Aunty (a regular smoker) in Canada is up to, knowing they don’t care two hoots about her. So, gyaan-giving non-smokers, let it be. More often than not, anything you say is going to fall on a smoker’s deaf ears. Putting it philosophically, the change has to come from within.
Disclaimer: The Punekar in no way condones smoking. We don’t encourage it. We also don’t offer people ashtrays if they are smoking. This article is based on observations and is for entertainment purposes only.