I’m going to begin this column with some unsurprising news; Portugal overcame their hosts, France, to lift the Euro 2016 trophy. Viva Portugal, Força Portugal and whatnot. Let me throw some statistics at you. Eder scored the 14th goal for a Portuguese substitute in the final, Cristiano Ronaldo took 45 shots at goal in the tournament, managed 5 goals and assists and winked at 1,568,743 women in France.
If you’re wondering why I find this news unsurprising in the face of great teams such as Germany and Italy, this is why- Portugal has a population of about 11 million people. It isn’t too much of an ask then, to be able to produce 11 individuals with a certain skill set. Or is it? In comparison to that beautiful country in the Iberian Peninsula, our great city and the surrounding Pimpri Chinchwad area total a mere 8 million people. Amchi Pune and whatnot.
I’m certain the point I’m trying to make is now evident, and if you have eleven brothers and fourteen sisters, you may want to turn away now. I find it simply astounding that we, as a people, take pride in the burgeoning population of our country and consider our wonderful country’s strength to be in its numbers.
Permit me to keep firing some facts your way. Were you aware, well fed reader, that the average person relieves themselves of their flatulence fourteen times a day, totalling a release of half a litre each. Multiply that by our population and we have a total of 650 million litres of hot air. Seven percent of that, is Methane. Therefore, as a proud people, we contribute 45.5 million litres of an alternative energy source every day. The result? Over twenty percent of our country has no access to electricity and we’re destroying the ozone with our methane. Every time we feast on some papad and Kolhapuri mutton, instead of powering a village, someone in Goa is getting sunburnt.
Given the number of people in our country, we could provide organ donation to save lives all over the sub continent. Instead, people are dying in ambulances because our pretty friend Chameli decided to sneakily down a quarter of whatever drives men wild with ardour and makes them dance on the road, holding up traffic.
I can keep letting numbers rip your way but 41.827% of all statistics are either made up or inaccurate. The crux of the matter is this- we need an education system in place to help the less fortunate see that the root of nearly all our problems lies in the startling birth rate. Further, we need to implement a policy limiting the number of children a family can consist of, similar to the policy the Chinese decided to withdraw last year.
There is no strength in numbers, there are only traffic jams and the proliferation of shameful statistics such as those related to poverty and disease. I’ll leave you with one last fact- India is the third largest producer of natural rubber in the world. Something to think about, perhaps?