Chennai Express totally got derailed in theaters (it failed to impress me, can’t say about others!). Yet, it will definitely be a successful one, thanks to many factors (Eid+SRK+The Rohit Shetty hype). It already collected 7.3 crores with its paid previews, breaking the record of 3 Idiots. Here is how my movie experience went.
Director: Rohit Shetty (He made Singham, God knows why he made this one!)
Producer: Gauri Khan, Ronnie Screwvala, Siddharth Roy Kapur (they are making profits for sure. Multiplexes are said to have hiked ticket prices too!)
Screenplay: Yunus Sajawal (did he really do any work?)
Story: K. Subhash (he makes me write the above question in all CAPS! Drunk chimps write better stories than this!!)
Deepika Padukone as Meena Lochni (she’s not as glamorous but she looks beautiful, nonetheless. Her overacting makes her character’s full name seem normal!)
Shahrukh Khan as Rahul (he plays a halwai turned vigilante! Okay, not really a vigilante, I just don’t know what to say here..!)
Sathyaraj as Durgeshwara Azhagusundaram, Meena’s father (he might be a bouncer. He has 2-3 Hindi lines as dialogues, the rest is all Tamil. Most of his work is to stand straight, put on a menacing face and show off his thick mustache!)
Nikitin Dheer as Tangaballi (he can make any bouncer feel like a dwarf! He looks more like the Great Khali’s younger brother)
Manorama as Meena’s aunt (she pulls SRK’s cheek and calls him ‘natii’. She means naughty. While she’s at that, she should have slapped him as well for accepting a role in this movie!)
Priyamani in the item number “1 2 3 4… Get on the Dance Floor” (she’s good-looking. I was actually hoping for more of her but guess the action was more important for our director!)
Kamini Kaushal as Rahul’s grandma (tries to bring an emotional touch to the movie. Deepika, however, plays a better emotional role here. Shocking, right?)
Lekh Tandon as Rahul’s grandfather (he’s kind of funny with a lot of overacting. But everyone in the movie has overacted, so no big deal here!)
Music Director: Vishal-Shekhar (I liked Titli. The rest made me cringe.)
Studio: Red Chillies Entertainment (Another way for SRK to earn money.)
Run time: 141 minutes (because had it been any longer people would have definitely killed themselves!)
So, do you remember Deepika’s famous dialogue in the promos, BHOAKWAS wala? I would like to ask Rohit Shetty,”Kahan se laayi aisi BHOAKWAAS kahaani?“. Eid ke din bakre halal hone jate hai, mai to eid ke pehle hi halal ho gaya! Maybe, it’s my Deepika Padukone fixation that prompted me to go watch the movie at Rs. 280 (I’ll be mentioning this sum a lot. This is the first instance) a day before it was even released. The same amount could have got me a good meal (despite my ginormous appetite).
The story (if there really was any!) is about a guy named Rahul (naam toh suna hi hoga! The epic dialogue is used in this movie, really!) who has to go to Rameshwaram to do the Asthi Visarjan of his grandfather (who died at the age of 99, when Sachin got out on 99. Funny?). Mr. Rahul wants to go to Goa with his friends instead (what a shameless grandson one can be). He decides to scatter the ashes in Goa instead (Nalayak level= Pro). To fool his grandma, he books the ticket for Chennai Express (that’s how the movie got its name!) and tells his friends to meet him at the next station.
He forgets his dadaji‘s asthiyaan on the train, goes back, has to help Deepika catch the train (in DDLJ style) and that’s when trouble starts brewing. He cannot get down in time, he loses his 35k phone (STOP the Nokia promotions, I paid Rs. 280 for this!) and has to accompany Deepika and her father’s gundas back to her village (because he was witness to them throwing a TC off the train and into the river). Once in the village (I cannot remember the name, it’s not Chennai for sure), SRK meets Deepika’s DON father and her Huge, ginormous, hefty and gigantic fiance. How it all unfolds from here is the main plot of the movie.
Deepika Padukone is a typical South Indian girl throughout the movie. No glamourous clothes, no seductive songs, very different from her usual avatars! She has acted decently, one might say. Shah Rukh too has tried to give his best but it seems even he realised during the shoot that the movie won’t be as great as one would hope (hence the over-the-top promotions). The action is good and seems realistic, despite SRK looking like a toddler in front of the hefty villain (one is reminded of a Rey Mysterio vs Big Show match here!). Almost everyone has overacted in the movie, maybe that’s what Mr. Shetty wanted. The movie tries to replicate Singham but fails terribly, thanks to its story (Like Singham had a good story). The dialogues are pathetic, mostly a rip-off of old SRK or Rohit Shetty movies. I liked some of the dialogues, which were all in Tamil. Almost half of the movie is in Tamil, making a Marathi-speaking Punekar like me wonder why I paid Rs. 280. Shouldn’t I get a little discount in the ticket price? I wonder whether the script writers even made an effort to do some work here. Other than a huge lady sitting in the row ahead of me, I couldn’t hear any giggles in the theater for the stupid jokes. I tried to force laughter a few times, trying to make myself believe I had not been an idiot to spend Rs. 280 for this movie. If you are one of the lucky few who have a long weekend, I would recommend you spend your time more wisely. If you just want to watch some movie and have too much cash and time at hand, go ahead and watch it!
I am not really an SRK fan. But the guy is someone I hate and I have a logical explanation for it. I am angry because I see a man who can play a simplistic role as Mohan Bhargava in Swades despite his star status, carry off a wonderful hockey coach in Chak De!, bring style to the gangster look in Don and Don2, be the autistic Rizwan Khan in My Name is Khan. Yet, he chooses to do stupid movies like this one. I simply see a man waste his talent for some extra money. Moreover, I cannot fathom the fact that I spent my money on this! Especially hating the multiplex, which charged me Rs. 280 (5th and final time) FOR THIS!!! X-(
PS: I was elated when Deepika mentions she’ll come to Pune to live with a friend (in the movie, not in real life!). However, she pronounces Pune as Poona and I went back to sulking about my empty wallet. Maybe, we Punekars should start calling Chennai ‘Madras’ to get our point across!