Played the endless running game on your mobile? Well, I have always wondered why it was named Subway Surfers when we never surf and the character is always running on an open railway track; not a subway. Maybe the makers should have googled the meaning of subway before naming it that way.
Anyway, the game is recently jumping cities; first it was New York and then it went to Rio, Rome, Sydney, Tokyo, Miami and now, it’s running around in Paris. Mumbai is one of the cities they can include next. But imagine what would happen if it comes to Pune (we will be talking about some circumstances that can be covered for Mumbai and India as well).
It would end before it started
So, there are no subways in Pune. An ever-growing city like ours is doing very little progress in terms of public transport. There is a railway station but it’s hardly useful to a normal Punekar, who even prefers to go to nearby cities like Mumbai, Sangli, Satara, etc. by car or bus. The tracks end before they even begin for trains in Pune. They cater mostly to those travelling outside Pune, not within. Doesn’t serve the purpose of an endless running game, right? It’s illogical why our care-takers are not investing in good public transport. Imagine finding a decent job in Chinchwad (finding a job in Pune in itself is a big deal) and renting a place in Kothrud (because in Pune, a bachelor has a better chance of finding a job instead of a home). Adding bad public transport and huge rickshaw fares, it’s most likely that the long journey will be undertaken on a bike (the cheapest option). With the kind of traffic we have and the soaring fuel prices, you’ll see that half or more of your income is spent on travelling. Happens only in India, right? Back to the Subway Surfers article now, enough bashing! If we consider the whole of India, subway surfers definitely will be endless; our railway system is one of the densest in the world.
Coins on tracks
Well, this is India and there is nothing remotely useful that one can find just lying around on the road, or tracks in this context. Other than the unwanted litter, leftover food, packets of chips or other products and the shit and pee that falls out from our wonderful open railway toilets, one cannot find anything, seriously! Maybe a paisa or two, but never gold coins lying around in such huge numbers. No matter how rich a Punekar is, he’ll always be happy finding a coin on the road. We are strange! Anything useful would probably already be taken and in case you find a magnet, it’ll stick to the iron rail roads instead of attracting gold coins (putting too much logic in games, am I? Well, that’s what Punekars do, put logic and sarcasm in everything!).
Poop on tracks
You will definitely find this on the tracks, freshly delivered each morning. If you decide to take a run on the tracks at dawn, your fresh morning will be infused with smell of shit coming out from the behind of some happy kid (I always wanted to question why kids shitting openly are always smiling) or some I-dont-give-a-shit (forgive the pun) uncle. You might use any cheats you want, you’ll always fall flat on your face running near the tracks by slipping due to the shit underneath (banana peels and some other things might show their presence too).
If you have played the game seriously, you’ll know it’s all about timing – whether its jumping from train to train or avoiding the hurdles altogether. Well, in the Indian scenario, trains are always running late and very often, it’ll be extremely hard to take the leap. Or, you’ll be in a situation where all 3 tracks have stagnant trains, leaving you with no way out.
No chase at all
Subway surfers starts with the character making a graffiti on a train, which is why the railway cop and his dog are giving chase. In India, graffiti is something that the cops will be least bothered with. Even if you do indulge in some serious crime or hooliganism, you won’t find a cop who will be so dutiful to chase you for such a long time and distance. It’s more likely that he’ll step out from nowhere, demand his customary chai-paani and simply walk off. No chase, no game, that is how it happens in India!
All things said and done, the only two people I can think of to be able to pull off a full-fledged Subway Surfers on the Indian railway tracks are Krishhhhh and jeb-katras. The average Punekar, on the other hand, is more likely to be spotted sitting inside a train, reading this article on their tab/phone/laptop.