June 1, 2013
I’m sad. Pissed. So much for having a big name in the industry. So much for leaving my home, my family behind to become a superstar in Hollywood. Shut up ya, it’s not a ‘myth’! I know I decided never to take criticism seriously. But these bit**** back in India have left no stones unturned in sullying my name. Jealous much, eh? If I knew I would get so much publicity just by giving an interview at Variety Studios, I would’ve never had to kiss what’s-his-name 17 frickin’ times in Khwaahish. I would’ve never had to expose every nook and corner of my melons. People would’ve seen my acting and not my oozing-so-much-sex-it-was-because-of-me-poonam-pandey-didn’t-strip-in-World-Cup body. I would’ve never had to buy Rapidex English Speaking Course and Mastering the American Accent from Ambika Old Paper and Library Book shop at Bandra. It disgusts me just to think of a slew of movies that I did in that ‘regressive’ country where my acting wasn’t appreciated. Was I drunk the whole time? Haaye raam, main talli ho gayi!
You know how spectacularly movies are made in Hollywood. I mean, Hisss with its special effects, was a breakthrough in the field of cinematography and screenplay. I looked so hot! But when I came back to India to star in Double Dhamaal, the crew treated me like they treat Uday Chopra, Jacky Bhagnani and Vivek Oberoi. Huh! Don’t they know I’m an international star? Even in India, I’ve worked with stupendous actors like Abhishek Bachchan and Himesh Reshammiya. Bloody these people are so regressive and depressing! Kahaan Razia Gundon me Fas Gayi!
But Diary, I’ll rise like a phoenix. I’ll tweet more often from my “MallikaLA” twitter handle. After all, people should know that I’m staying in LA and not in any rented flat on Yaari Road in that regressive nation. All the Sonams, Aishwaryas and Friedas will see. Haters gonna hate yo! I know it’s an old, stinky line. But hey, it’s better than having to endure Kangana’s accent. Which reminds me, why do they have a problem with my accent? At least I’ve been staying in Amarikah for a while now and I know the pronunciation rules. On the other hand, that nose-job-disaster Priyanka hops around India speaking as if there’s a grasshopper sitting on her tongue. And she got offended by my statement? I did listen to her “In my city” single. Mhara bhagwaan jaane hai, I want my 30 seconds back.
Yes. I’m going to walk red carpets and embrace the good work that comes my way. They love me in Hollywood. Why else would they give me such amazing scripts like Phaalitics of Love and Dirty Phaalitics? So Diary, nope, not going back to India. And definitely not acting in Indian films. This jattni will keep
licking kicking Amarikahn pichhwadas!
P.S.: If you’re wondering about the image, it was attached to the page we found. We don’t know why it had anything to do with the above.