Thursday, July 27, 2017

Dear Diary, any resemblance to a real and living person is completely intentional.

Several roommate changes and a flat or two later, I had come to accept that this bachelor life is more like a nomad life. I had accepted that landlords get pissed off for no good reason, watchmen start to act like they own the society, and roommates just keep moving out until you’re back to square one – flat hunting or in my case, serial roommate hunting. You have absolutely zero idea just how difficult it is to find good roommates. Sometimes you get lucky but on other instances, the Roommate Curse hits you. Oh, how I’ve suffered.

Instance 1 –

Decent looking girl comes to see the flat, says she likes it, gives me the token money and leaves, all within 10 minutes, no questions asked. That should have been my first red flag. Fast forward to about six months later, when I had just returned from my two-month-long trip home. Said girl tells me that my friends shouldn’t be staying over so often. She has decided that each of us can have a friend come and visit us only once a month. WHAT? She has leeched her pathetic mentality on to the other girls as well, and gone one step further by complaining to the landlord. Things escalate, voices rise, and I eventually give up and decide to move out. Fast forward to several years later, I find out that she legit digitally stalks me. *shivers*

Instance 2 –

I am on the hunt again, when a friend tells me she knows someone looking for a place. Now this girl was living with her, but she has to move out because her old roommate is moving back in. I know, red flag, but desperate times call for desperate measures. She’s a strange, quiet girl who doesn’t talk much and doesn’t shower much either. Her cab starts calling at 7 AM, she asks the cab to wait for five minutes, and goes right back to sleep. Her cab calls consistently so she finally gets out of bed, changes and leaves.

Instance 3 –

Now, three roommates of mine have decided to flee at once. *WHY ME?!* One girl moves in from Germany, and she’s such an angel. I don’t even remember how I found the second girl; Facebook, I think. She comes over for some tea and seems to get along great so no red flags. Fast forward to a few months later, and I guess things aren’t very exciting at the office for our HR roommate, so she decides we should have monthly ‘roommate’ meetings. We discuss petty issues like paying Rs. 30 extra because I have a cooler. Besides this we mostly argue over when and why we need to have these meetings. Especially since most ‘meetings’ are called right when German friend and I are just about to step out. *UGH!*

Instance 4 –

The fourth roommate was found through common friends on Facebook; bubbly girl, in town for college. Except that she never went to college. Majority of her time was spent lying around in different parts of the house and leaving her mark wherever she was in the form of wrappers and dirty dishes. When I suggested she get a job, her words (I kid you not) were, “I don’t deserve to work”, (she meant she was too good to work). So I suggested to ‘Daddy’s Little Princess’ to get a hobby in the hopes that she would stop making a mess. To my horror, she took to cooking: eggshells left on counters, ingredients spilled on the floor and half my groceries gone from the fridge. No maid wanted to work with this and once the garbage started to spill over, I decided it was time to move, probably alone.

The End. For now. 

Dipika Asnani
Dipika Asnani
An NRI child hailing from Morocco, Dipika Asnani believes herself to be a true Punekar by now. And, you'd never guess otherwise until you speak to her in Marathi! She's a Social Media Marketer by profession but a writer at heart. Loves cats, fluffly socks, fantasy novels, is slightly obsessed with Harry Potter and will do anything for a little bit more chai.

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